This One Time, On Band Candy

Joyce and Giles finally discuss what happened that night.
Spoilers: Through Earshot
Rating/Pairing: PG-13, Giles/Joyce
Thank-you: To Alto and Hannasus for the wonderful betas and to Cassie for the inspiration. This one's all for you girlfriend!
Disclaimer: They belong to Joss.
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Joyce sat in her kitchen; shoulders sagged, nursing her tea. She hated this. The worry and intense fear she was always trying to keep in check. It was exhausting and the desperateness she felt at not being able to do anything about it made her want to sob with near constancy. She held it in, though. If Buffy knew how much all this impacted her mother, she might get careless. If that happened, Joyce could never forgive herself.

Then there were times like today. Buffy was upstairs, rolling and moaning, trying desperately to keep out the world’s thoughts. Joyce’s very presence caused her daughter pain. She felt alone, helpless and very afraid.

A sudden knock at the door startled Joyce so hard she had to grab the table to keep from falling out of her chair. She had tried very hard to silence all noise (she’d even unplugged the refrigerator) that the knock was deafening. In truth, she realized, it hadn’t been that loud at all. She finally got control of her racing heart enough to get up and see who it was.

As soon as she stepped out of the kitchen, she knew who it was. She recognized his form through the mottled glass. They hadn’t spoken or seen each other since that day she picked Buffy up from school. He’d left messages for her at the gallery, but she hadn’t called back. Finally, when the messages stopped, she had been both relieved and heartbroken. She knew in her brain it was irrational to be angry with him for giving up. She’d done nothing to encourage him at all. But why had it taken 4 months for him to show up? She sighed. He was only showing up now because of Buffy, not her.

She straightened her shoulders, patted her hair and put on her best “everything’s great with me” face and opened the door.

“Hello.” She said with as much brightness as she could muster.

He just stood there. He looked haggard, worried and lonely.

“Hello.” He looked right at her for a few burning moments and then broke his gaze, looking down. “I, um, I came to see how Buffy was doing.”

Joyce opened the door wider and stepped aside. “Of course, please come in.”

God! How she hated this formality. Why couldn’t he be Ripper? Why didn’t he just grab her and kiss her into submission like he had that night? Shit! How could she be thinking about this right now?

“She’s upstairs, but she’s getting worse.” Joyce looked at him, searching his face. “You know something. What is it?”

“May I, ah, can we go into the kitchen to discuss this?”

It took Joyce a minute to understand that he wanted to move from the entry, which was right under Buffy’s room.

“Oh, right, sure. I was just making tea. Would you like some?”

“Yes, please. Um, the stronger the better.”

“I have something called “Scottish Blend” that I was given from someone at the gallery. It’s too strong for me. Will that do?”

“That would be lovely. Thank you, Joyce.”

She smiled shyly. “No problem, Rupert.” Joyce walked around the island to the sink. There was now a counter between them, which was both comforting and agonizing. He sat down on one of the stools while she emptied and refilled the kettle with cold water.

“We think we have found a way to cure her. It relies on the creature’s blood to reverse the ‘trait of the demon’. Angel’s been out all night hunting…”

Joyce slammed the teakettle down. “Angel’s helping? Great, then all will be better!” Joyce was losing her tightly held control but she was starting to not give a fuck.

“Why is it that the only people who ever seem to be able to help are ones who’ve tried to kill her? Why is this precious Watcher’s Council of yours against her, taking her powers for the thrill of it? How can you do this to her over and over?!” She was shouting now. Shouting and shaking.

Giles stood up and walked around the bar to her. She still held the kettle tightly in her hand. For a few fleeting moments she just wanted to bash his face with it. He seemed to know this because he took her hold of her hand firmly, but not painfully. He took the kettle, placing it back in the sink. She couldn’t take her eyes away from his, even though she felt the tears welling.

“Dearest, please. Don’t fret so. Buffy will be fine. She’s strong and Angel is nothing if not single-minded when it comes to protecting Buffy. Everything will be alright.” He pulled her hand to his chest and stroked her fingers. She wanted to melt right into him, but then she recalled Buffy’s words to her barely 24 hours ago: “You slept with Giles! On the hood of a police car? Twice?!”
And Joyce suddenly felt angry and hurt again. She jerked her hand back from him.

“What do you really care about either of us? You do your job, and not even that well, and all she is to you is the Slayer. You can’t possibly know what she goes through or what I go through watching it.”

Giles stood there and took in her words. Joyce continued to spit out hurtful thoughts, as a subtle change took over his face and body. His countenance hardened before her eyes. He took a step towards her, pinning her hips against the counter with his own, moving his face just inches from hers.

“I understand more than you obviously know. Buffy is not just my charge. She is the closest thing to a daughter I will ever have. I destroyed my entire career rather than risk her life. I’ve been sacked, yet I stay on as a bloody high school librarian because I cannot bear to leave her to the Council and that fucking sod of man they sent as her new Watcher. I had to suffer in silent rage at Angel for daring to have sex with my little girl. I don’t get the benefit of grounding her when she does stupid things or locking her in at night to keep out the monsters I know exist. I never get to play the ‘Daddy’ card. I always have to balance being her mentor and her friend, but never her parent. And to top it all, I get to add the indignity of being desperately in love with her mother, whom I cannot have.”

Joyce’s breath was rapid, keeping pace with Giles’ staccato. He loves me?
“I’m so—I’m sorry, I had no--” she started.

“Oh, bugger all.” Giles cut her off, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her. He was a bit harsh at first, but as she started to soften in his arms, his pressure eased. He parted her lips with his tongue, tickling the roof of her mouth. She returned the gesture, darting her tongue around his, licking along his teeth. The joy of his kisses flooding back into her consciousness. She moved against him, moaning very softly. His hand slid around, brushing over the soft white sweater covering her breast. Her nipple hardened instantly and as his fingers found it; the electric shock that went through her also seemed to trigger the memory of Buffy, weeping softly in her bed, her hands covering her ears.

Joyce shoved Giles away. “I can’t do this now. Not with her still--”

“Say no more. I’m sorry. I shouldn't have--”

“Rupert, it’s ok. I never should have spoken so harshly to you. I do know that you care for Buffy very much. I guess it’s just a little too easy to blame you for this life we have to lead.”

He smiled knowingly and took her hands. “I understand. Let’s speak no more of it.” He held her hands, looking at her so tenderly.

There was a loud knock at the door and a voice shouting “Mr. Giles? Are you in there? You didn’t say where you were going,” Wesley said in that near whine he had. Joyce’s heart sank a little, but she was surprised to see Giles’s look of annoyance bordering on murderous.

“Wesley,” he seethed.

“I’ll go let him in.”

After Wesley’s intrusion, Giles and Joyce went upstairs to check on Buffy. They were standing together in her doorway, like the worried parents they were, when Angel had burst in, his shielding blanket steaming from the sunlight, with the antidote. Angel and Giles had wrestled Buffy down together until she drank it all. Then she stilled into a sleep. Joyce and Giles left Angel holding her hand by her bedside. Joyce had to smile when Giles told Angel very pointedly that they would be down the hall and to please leave the door open.

After she awoke, Buffy wasted no time heading back to the school to try to find whoever had threatened to kill the Sunnydale High student body. After the others had gone, Joyce had a chance to be alone with him once more.

“How do you do it? You say you love her, and I believe you, but you let her go off to face yet another fight with seemingly no worry at all.” Joyce wasn’t being accusative; she really wanted to know how he did it.

“I worry every day. But also have the knowledge that Buffy is unlike any Slayer ever called. There is nothing I can exactly pinpoint about what makes her different, but different she is. I can suppress the fear because I know how capable she is.” Giles spoke with the pride of a true father.

“I’m glad she has you.”

“Joyce, I would really like to talk about that night.” Giles laced his fingers in hers and she found herself blushing.

“You don’t need to say anything. It was a spell. We were acting like kids.”

“True, but I still wish to apologize. What I regret most is not that we, well, did what we did. I regret that I did it as a sloppy, selfish teenager. You deserve to be attended to properly.” Giles stepped closer and Joyce felt warmth flood over her. She hadn’t considered until that moment that making love to a “mature” Giles might be different. Suddenly, she wanted desperately to know what it was like.

“Well, we have a bit of time before Buffy gets home.”

“Oh, luv, I thought you’d never ask.”

Posted by Posted by Zandra on 03:55 PM